A Screenshot of a Website

Bold new ‘Ad Masochist’ movement requests more ads

Satire - Tech

A new movement called the Ad Masochist movement has been lobbying for websites to have more advertisements on their websites. “It was settled as bad practice in the 1990s and 2000s that automatically playing audio was annoying and bad practice,” Terry Stevens, founder of the Ad Masochist movement. “But we believe that it’s because the audio usually wasn’t an advertisement. This is why we lobby websites to automatically play video beside their text articles which is like the next evolution of automatically playing audio,” he added. With their stated mantra, “The more distracting the better,” these so called As Masochists have been successful in advising websites to fill their text articles with automatically playing videos and flashing banner ads when all you want to do is read the freaking article. Here’s a screenshot of a website I was on recently that the Ad Masochist movement may have advised.


A Screenshot of a Website
A Screenshot

This website also featured an automatically playing video further down, which turned into a smaller video that continued to play if I scrolled past it. “The invention of the video that continues to play as you scroll down is a fantastic innovation on par with the invention of the C programming language, the Apple 1 computer, and the internet. It allows us to feel the full excitement of the ad experience as we as a movement,” said Terry.

Political correctness dictates that we are not allowed to question this minority of people, because that would be kink shaming. The plight of sexual minorities must be recognized at all times and we must be unquestioning of the opinion of a minority, no matter how much it annoys us in our regular day to day life. Even though they could create their own program to live their life how they want without annoying the rest of us, we must comply or be forever shamed.

Terry also added that the companies that the Ad Masochists have lobbied should continue to appease them so that they don’t run the risk of seeming disrespectful to minorities. They also want to make it a law for people to comply with their way of life. The cost of compliance could be difficult, making it harder for newcomers to enter the same field that these websites with a lot of ads have. For example, this website doesn’t get enough traffic as of writing to have a good ad network advertise on it, and it would take a lot of money to advertise this website to get to that point. Terry also wants to thank the movement’s corporate sponsors. They know who they are.

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