All public events canceled in the USA because everyone did something bad once

In a shocking twist, scientists have confirmed that it’s impossible for people to change and learn from experience. “Once someone hears another rational point of view, our studies found that 100% of people from the USA are not capable of changing their opinion in every case,” said head of this groundbreaking scientific study Steve Smith. […]

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Politician bravely calls for bipartisanship, as long as the other side completely agrees with their opinion.

In a press release, federal politician George Jeffreys stated the importance of bipartisanship in congress. “The American people want an end to the bitter bipartisanship in congress, and I call on all politicians on the other side to put aside bipartisanship, and work together for common sense solutions to help the American people,” said Congressman […]

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Republicans to support Democratic leader being chosen based on race instead of merit

In a surprise move, some Republicans are supporting the next Democratic leader being chosen because of their race and gender, and not because of their merit. “We have a truly historic chance for the opposing party to purposefully nominate someone who is subpar, and this will help raise our chances of victory,” said a spokesperson […]

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“It’s either me or the cockroaches,” says local spider.

Local spider Jim McMurray said to his roommate that it’s either him or the cockroaches. “John needs to know that I have value and feelings too. I eat bugs like cockroaches that come into this place, and I deserve respect,” Jim said. In response to Jim’s statement, John put out a press release saying, “What […]

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Dog

Man thrives by using only things from his assigned culture, uses no cultural appropriation

A local man has succeeded in thriving on using things only from his race appointed culture, which is a white western man with German and Irish heritage. Due to the Latin alphabet that English uses for its letters and numbers being invented in what is now Italy, and he’s only fluent in Germany and Gaelic, […]

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USA to adopt koban-style policing after it’s done policing the rest of the world

The federal government of the USA spends more than the next 7 countries combined on military spending as of writing. The USA also has a huge need to address violence problems in its own country. The community policing style seen in many parts of Japan has been adopted in Brazil, Indonesia, Honduras, and more places, […]

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The 10 reasons a ‘blue wave’ might not be coming to the USA elections this year may surprise you.

The ‘blue wave’ is the concept that a lot of people from the Democratic party will win in the election, in this case the 2018 election. But some people think that the Republican party will either retain a majority or gain even more of a majority. Here are 10 reasons why a blue wave might […]

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Nebraska school district to switch to online only to save money and lives

A school district in Nebraska decided to switch to an online only schooling system for kids starting from kindergarten to 12th grade. With gun violence in schools a topic of discussion, this would help to eliminate physical schools altogether. “If there is no school, then there is less of a target to shoot. Since we […]

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Under this shocking new plan for equality, women in the USA to be killed at random at a 1 to 1 ratio when men are drafted at random and killed

Equality is fashionable in the USA right now, however women in the USA still get all of the benefits of democracy without having to pay the possible price of being forced to go into a warzone through the draft system. When women’s right to vote was being debated in the USA, a lot of women […]

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