Fish developed telepathy, and they always look horrified because of these important reasons.

Satire Satire - Environment

Fish developed telepathy, which is the ability to communicate thoughts by ways other than the known senses. They are horrified by what they hear. “Coral reefs emit telepathic screams when they are dieing,” said Jason Smith, who developed a device to listen in on fish telepathic communications. “The oceans are screaming to them, and this is only the start of the horrors they hear,” he continued. We went to a river and I listened in to his device.

“I’m a fish. Why is this!?” said a horrified catfish. “Many fish freak out about being fish. They don’t understand why they are fish,” said Jason.

“I’m in constant burning agony,” said a bluegill. “Pollutants in the water cause the fish to be in constant burning pain. Since fish can’t hang themselves, they purposefully try to get caught by hooks or jump into boats for the sweet release of death,” said Jason. 2-headed catfish Roger reported that this is the life of all river fish, where all is pain and joy in nonexistent. “Please stop polluting the rivers. I mean a lot you need to drink from them so it helps you too,” said Roger.

“I see all of the past, present, and future, and am in awe,” said a northern pike. “The water acts as a hallucinogenic drug to fish, so they are constantly tripping out of their fish minds,” said Jason.

“Many of these issues are similar to saltwater fish, but they have the added horrors of things such as hearing the jellyfish who call them mean names and the aforementioned coral reef screaming,” said Jason. Sometimes the fish try to fight the jellyfish, but then end up getting caught in their stingers. Polluting waterways less may ease some of the fish horrors, and Jason points out that the fish should be allowed to trip out of their tiny fish minds without being surrounded by the fire of chemicals they feel.

What do you think? Do you take steps to fight water pollution? Let us know in the comments section below.

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3 years ago

I don’t pour industrial waste into the river so there’s that.