Professional business attire in hot weather a worldwide conspiracy to drive populations to colder climates says expert

Satire Satire - Business

Fashion expert Joseph Tenbarge said in a recent interview that professional business attire in hot weather is a global conspiracy to drive populations to colder areas. “It’s in the geopolitical interests of many countries to push more people to move to colder areas. For example in Japan it makes geopolitical sense to move more people to Hokkaido where it’s much colder during the winter. During the hot and humid summers present in most of the country, some companies and government agencies want employees to wear a long sleeve dress shirt, sometimes with another layer of suit an a tie,” he explained.

Takeshi Tanaka

Takeshi Tanaka recently moved from Osaka to Rikubetsu in Hokkaido, which is the coldest town in Japan. With a high of 24.5 Celsius (76.1 Fahrenheit) during the hottest month, it’s one of the only places where a suit could make sense during the summer in Japan. He works as a sales manager and is expected to keep up appearances for clients. “At least I don’t live in Hong Kong where it’s forever summer compared to Rikubetsu’s climate, and I’d probably have to wear a suit,” said Takeshi. Indeed, Hong Kong’s climate means that the average high for 8 months of the year is over 30 degrees Celsius (86 degrees Fahrenheit) and people still wear suits in Hong Kong to keep up appearances which Joseph claims is ridiculous from a biological standpoint. “Seriously, they can just wear shorts and short sleeves and the content of their meetings will be the same,” he says. “But given that Hong Kong was given over to China, and China would do well to make more people from Hong Kong move to China to make less of a population, if the Chinese government supports suit wearing to make people in Hong Kong want to move farther north to Kunming, which has a climate much more suitable for professional attire, then that could work in the favor of the Chinese government. So it makes sense for China from a geopolitical perspective,” he continued.

Dennis Smith – Notice the people behind him in short sleeves, unaware of this global conspiracy.

Dennis Smith of Florida is expected to wear a suit for his job in finance.

“Especially since I work in finance, I like to work with getting the best return for money, and suits are so much more expensive than shorts and a t-shirt. Why, out of all of the industries, is finance one of the ones where money that could be used for stocks is wasted on clothing that’s too hot for the weather?” said Dennis. Joseph argues that this is another example of a global conspiracy to drive people to colder climates. “More people are moving to the sun belt areas of the USA, but the USA would do good to promote more people moving to Alaska to help project the country’s geopolitical desires in that region,” Joseph continued.

What do you think? Do you think that suits are priced well? Is there a global conspiracy to try to drive business professionals to colder climates? Comment below to let us know.

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4 years ago

Yeah, businesspeople should be allowed to wear more sensible clothes during the summer, and not 2 layers of clothes.