A Missouri man named John Alvarez was fined this week for growing a freedom garden consisting of carrots, tomatoes, and a Dyson tree, which is a tree grown to be able to survive on a comet and create a breathable atmosphere for humans to be able to live within hollows in the comet or a hollow in the tree itself. This garden, which was on his own property in his front yard, was found by 2 law enforcement officials, who are actually each 2 aliens stacked on top of each other dressed as cops, patrolling the area. “Regulations say that grass can’t be above a certain height, and only government approved plants can be grown in the front yard in public view,” said 2 aliens in a convincing cop costume calling themselves Officer Clayton of Sugar Creek, Missouri.
The one of a kind Dyson tree was a potential key to humanity spreading throughout the cosmos. Given that the Dyson tree is meant to provide food for humans, it would be categorized as a fruit and fruits are prohibited from being grown in people’s front yards where John resides. John, the world’s leading astroagrologist (someone who studies space crops), was unaware of this rule when he bought his house in Sugar Creek, Missouri, which is part of the Kansas City metropolitan area and inhabited by thousands of actual aliens from outer space living amongst the people. “Rules like this are why I want to live in a comet,” said John.
The carrots, tomatoes, and world’s only Dyson tree were confiscated by the alien officers, as well as $30 from John’s wallet and a coupon for a local restaurant chain. As of writing the taking of the $30 and the coupon is legal due to civil forfeiture laws. John was also fined $500, and legally must perform a silly dance for the entirety of his court proceedings regarding this matter or face additional fines.