These grapes are so important, they changed North Korea and the world.

Satire Satire - International Affairs

Kim Jong Un, the dear leader of North Korea, has announced that the nuclear testing site will be dismantled. Foreign press from South Korea, China, the US, the UK and Russia will be asked to attend the glorious dismantling event. However, seismologists believe that the mountain where the nuclear testing site is had partially collapsed in September 2017, which is before North Korea started being nice to other countries again. The pictured grapes made history by causing the mountain to collapse, thus potentially forcing North Korea’s diplomacy efforts which could lead to harmonious peace.

Yi Jong Ho, worker at the North Korean nuclear testing site, had bought grapes, a luxury item in drought-stricken North Korea. These sentient grapes, however, leapt from their bag and pressed buttons which caused a nuclear meltdown. The grapes had 5 minutes to evacuate the building. They rolled onto the ground still attached to the stem, and when Yi Jeong Ho tried to grab them they burst off of the stem and rolled individually to the hallway. Explosions were happening behind the grapes, and the brave Kim Grape Min was in the rear.

Kim Grape Min had the mission of a lifetime, which was to change the course of history and get back home in time for supper with his grape family, including his raisin grandma Kim Raisin Ja. “4 minutes remaining until nuclear meltdown,” the intercom announced in Korean. “Take a right at this corridor,” yelled Kim Grape Min to the grapes ahead of him. They turned right, and soon after there was an explosion in what would have been the left corridor. A guard infamous for gorging on grapes was up ahead with wild eyes, waiting to catch them to eat. “I’ll go to the front and choke him. You all go on ahead,” Kim Grape Min yelled. He sped up and was caught by the guard.

The guard opened his mouth, and Kim Grape Min lunged into his throat. The guard tried to dislodge Kim Grape Min from his throat as he was blocking the guard’s airway. “3 minutes remaining,” Kim Grape Min heard in a muffled voice from the intercom. “2 minutes remaining,” is the sound Kim Grape Min heard from the intercom as he rolled out of the guard’s motionless body.

The other squad members had moved ahead and cleared the hallway of other guards. As Kim Grape Min moved ahead, an explosion rocked the corridor up ahead and a fire broke out. “1 minute remaining,” said the intercom. Since grapes don’t breathe and the flames were up high, Kim Grape Min continued past the rubble and made it outside. The bodies of the guards, still alive but unconscious, were outside. All of the grapes had made it.

Yi Jong Ho, the worker at the nuclear testing site, made it out with the other guard on his back before an explosion shook the facility and collapsed half of the mountain. He caught up with the group of grapes, walking towards them with heavy breath. “Why did you do this? asked an exhausted Yi Jong Ho. “I did it for an important raisin,” Kim Grape Min said before turning around and rolling off into the sunset. Under the cover of darkness, Kim Grape Min returned to his grape family and celebrated by drinking wine.

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4 years ago

That’s an interesting development in North Korean relations. If the reactor did collapse then that means North Korea could have lost a big part of their nuke leverage. If that’s the case, then this round of North Korea being nice could last longer. Also that grape is tough.