Jellyfish are a scourge of the ocean. They kill over 100 people every year and Lord Jellyfish, ruler of all jellyfish, is pleased with this. Charles helps to kill jellyfish by eating them and their stupid tentacles. “Jellyfish are delish,” trendy turtle Charles told Beyond the Echo Chamber. When he eats his favorite snack, the jellyfish, he’s the happiest turtle in the world.
Anaya Singh of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania threw a plastic bag into the Delaware River, reportedly because she wants sea turtles to die for destroying her family’s seaweed growing business. “We lost everything,” she told me. She continued, “Sea turtles ate all of the seaweed of our family’s business, so our family moved to Philadelphia and had to start over. Now they will pay.” She said that she has a service that she provides which collects plastic bags from people under the pretense of recycling, but she throws all of the bags into the Delaware river in the hopes it will reach, “a stupid sea turtle,” and block their digestive system eventually causing death. Anaya dumps at least 500 billion bags into the river yearly, which is about 1.3 billion a day, causing mass flooding and wreaking havoc amongst the populace of downstream Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware. Trillions of dollars worth of economic destruction are estimated from her practice every day.
Charles ate a plastic bag and it’s currently lodged in his digestive tract, making it difficult for him to eat. He wanted to eat jellyfish but ate the plastic bag instead, which looked like a floating jellyfish to him. As of writing no turtle doctors have been able to investigate, as no turtle doctors currently exist and higher education is at least millions of years ahead of sea turtle comprehension and ability. Sorry Charles, better luck next time.