This terrifying creature feeds off of the fatbergs in sewers from people pouring oil and grease down the drain

Satire Satire - Urban Planning

Fatbergs are caused when non-biodegradable solid matter mixes with fat such as oil or grease. These fatbergs can clog up sewers and cost cities a lot of money, such as San Fransisco where it’s estimated to cost the city $3.5 million a year. The secret you haven’t been told is that the money goes towards not removing the fatbergs, but fending off the powerful creatures that feed off of them.

“These creatures lurk in every sewer system in the world. They are large shadows with eyes the size of my hand, and each eye has a beady pupil,” said city sewer cleaner George Taylor. He added, “The last time I was called to take care of one of these things, I was in the sewer using a low-light lamp. As soon as I turned into the corridor I saw the creature standing at the other end, staring at me with the widest eyes. I started to walk towards it and its eyes grew wider and it let out a groan. Each groan grew louder and louder, and I had my electric baton at the ready to beat down this creature. When I was halfway through the corridor, my lamp went out and I heard a chorus of loud groans from in front and behind me in the darkness.

I had one electromagnetic pulse grenade in my left hand and my baton to take down what sounded like 10 creatures in my right hand. Their groans grew louder as they approached me, and I wanted to wait until they got as close to me as possible before I unpinned my electromagnetic pulse grenade. The groans sounded like screaming in my ears and one grabbed my right arm. I used my teeth to pull the electromagnetic grenade and I put it in my mouth. I wrestled the baton away from the creature and then the grenade went off. Since the grenade doesn’t harm humans in a meaningful way, I use it because it destroys these creatures.”

These creatures have been known to take down people from the surface like trap door spiders coming out of the manhole cover. Defeating these creatures are all in a day’s work for sewer cleaners, however these creatures are known to be in the thousands in major metropolitan area sewers, and are still present in all other sewer systems in the world. They arrived in the sewers from their eggs being distributed via animal fat. The creatures would attack cows, implant their eggs, then these eggs would survive in the fat and pass through people’s digestive systems and into the sewers.

You can do your part to help prevent fatbergs from forming, and doing so can work to starve these creatures that live off of fatbergs and other sources of fat. Here are some tips. Don’t pour grease or cooking fat such as oil down the drain. Instead, if it’s hot wait until it cools down and then put it into the trash can. If you have the resources to get a grease trap, this can help if you do end up accidentally pouring some grease or cooking fat down the drain. Another option is that you can reuse some cooking fats that may be left over in a pan. Also, if you live someplace with a sewer system, ask your local government leaders to look into converting fatbergs into biodiesel fuel like the government in London did. If you can find a way to make the biodiesel through private enterprise, that’s awesome too, and the government would probably appreciate a private company braving the creatures to get the fatbergs.

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3 years ago

That’s a good thing to bring up. I’ll put the oil in the trash from now on instead of in the sink. Screw those creatures.

3 years ago
Reply to  forest

Yeah I’m not about to deal with those creatures. It’s good to know about the issue of fatbergs. I saw that London used some fatberg as biofuel, so that’s cool.