Wind farm created to kill birds, energy creation a bonus

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“I wanted to stop the chirping,” said USA wind farm owner Loretta Johnson. She made a business deal with an electricity company to help accomplish this. The company can build windmills to generate electricity for free and in return she gets free electricity, and the chirping of the birds, which wake her up at approximately, “Too early o’clock,” as she words it, will be minimized. “Pigeons taste the best, followed by crows,” she explains. As part of this, she also gets to keep the corpses of the birds that are knocked out of the sky and hit in their stupid bird faces by the blade of justice. Millions of birds per day are killed by this wind farm, and she makes a lucrative business out of defeathering and selling the bird meat to grocery stores.

A local aviary club has protested this wind farm. “Birds could go extinct within a month at this rate. How is this allowed to continue?” Jared Fowler, president of the local aviary club, said. “Only a month? Good,” replied Loretta when confronted with Jared’s claim. Loretta believes that the main purpose of this wind farm is to cause a bird genocide so that she can sleep in. She also said that she supports renewable energy, and she’s glad that she can do her part to help the planet.

The local aviary club filed a legal case against Loretta. However, with so many government officials praising this efficient bird slaughtering machine because they too want to sleep in and not be awoken by the sound of birds chirping, the club decided to bow to public pressure and rescind their legal case against her. As of writing, there is a regulation in the USA which allows each company who owns the capacity to generate wind electricity to kill up to 4,200 bald eagles total. The aviary club claimed that she was in violation of this. However, every bald eagle had already been killed by the time they got the legal case filed.

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